I wrote this post long time ago, and have been debating whether or not to share it, as it is of a very personal nature, and contains personal information…but thought that if I helped one person feel normal, or less ashamed, that it was worth the risk.
This post is going to be a serious one – and a lot more personal than normal. I am going to share the journey I went on to become a mom. I think it is important for people to share the difficulties and challenges they have encountered in growing their families, because the challenges are not talked about enough.
Miscarriages and challenges conceiving are SO common. But, unfortunately, in my experience, women do not hear about them until after they have experienced loss or challenges. In my opinion – it’s too late by then. Women need to know that it IS common, it HAS happened to others, and it IS possible to have perfectly healthy babies afterwards.
The first time I got pregnant, Ryan and I were overjoyed. Unfortunately, I miscarried at 7 weeks. To say I was heartbroken was an understatement. In my ‘first pregnancy’ bubble, miscarriage wasn’t even in my vocabulary. In very simple terms, I was sad, confused, felt hopeless and felt like I got completely blindsided. Not only was I physically drained – emotionally I was a wreck. I wanted to talk about it, but I did not even know where to start.
Like every other woman who has miscarried experiences, women started telling me about their loss – and it became apparent in my grief that it is common and not my fault in the least. But this is the part that women need to be prepared for. Miscarriage needs to be talked about so they don’t get that sense of isolation. It can happen, and it is devastating and shakes up your world. But you can move on from it. It’s okay to feel sad and even angry that other people are pregnant when you have just suffered such an incredible loss. You will make it through, and you will be happy for them too. But you need to take your time to heal.
After I felt ready to try for a baby again, we got pregnant the first month of trying – we were completely overjoyed! Yet I never had that same freewheeling giddiness I had the first pregnancy. We were thrilled, but kept matters private, holding back from telling people or investing too much into it – just in case. Nine months later, baby A came along, completely healthy and happy!
Next up – how Little Miss L joined us!